On my way to work this morning I was thinking about this holiday and how much I enjoy the simple things of the holiday. The true gifts for me are sharing a meal, the love that goes into cooking, and yes the cleaning, (I know 😀) the people (family and friends) the conversations, the laughter, sometimes the tears. I remember the joy of watching my children open their gifts, I remember the lights on the tree, the ornaments and the special meaning behind each one. I loved taking my kids to the soup kitchens, and food banks to pack meals for others. I loved driving the neighborhood looking at the twinkling lights, I loved helping those in need, carefully choosing 4 angels from the tree and giving a gift that they wanted and hoping that a child would believe in “santa” just a little longer.
There has been a time in my life not all that long ago that my joy had been shadowed and over taken by darkness which lived inside my own house. A darkness that would not allow me to go home to family, a darkness that wouldn’t allow my angel to sit on top of the tree, a darkness that separated me from my family, a darkness that permeated every day that should be special, every day that I would take joy in it became a day for fighting and meanness. Even in my greatest times of prayer that darkness would rise up and become like legions to mock, ridicule and hate.
So, as I was on my way to work walking down memory lane The Father said You can choose to live in the past of darkness or You can choose to remember those moments that you were able to create traditions of making cookies, decorating the tree, Christmas music, plays, reading all of our Christmas stories to the sweet little faces of my children or of the times we snuggled and told stories, played games and giggled together.
My children all live in four different states and I am not putting up a tree because I can’t bare putting the ornaments on and remembering who gave it to them, what age they were and the special memories of where it came from. I can’t bare not hearing them argue over whose ornaments was whose and seeing their hands put the ornaments on the tree.
However, during my reading today the Father reminded me to trust Him completely with the past to leave it and to continue to move forward in His love and His strength. He reminded me to see the joy in the all the blessings that He has poured out in my life. He reminded me that my future can’t be seen by looking back because that window only wants to bring me death much like Lot’s wife who looked back. He reminded me too stay steadfast in His love to hold onto to Him when I feel unsteady, unsure, and like an outsider looking into a life as it should have been. Although my life is forever changed it has changed for the better and I know that He has restored, He has healed and He provides all our needs. He answers today the prayers of our hearts and He will give a home of laughter, light and love where no darkness can be because Our Father is first, center and last. A home of peace and mercy, forgiveness and LOVE!
His love is perfect, it’s peaceful and merciful because there are days when we all need mercy. Mercy from the thoughts, the hurt and the baggage that gets so heavy. David was chosen from the least to showcase Gods true glory. his defeat of Goliath was a true showing of Gods glory and as I read how as a shepherd who took such loving care of his fathers’ sheep, took off the armor of King Saul in complete confidence that His Lord would provide the way to defeating the enemy of Israel, the enemy who mocked and taunted.
I can’t help but understand that it was so much more than taking off an armor he was unfamiliar with and that was too heavy. It was a spiritual reliance on our Father and a spiritual show of not taking up what belonged to someone else and taking it on yourself. David left the Kings sword and took only the tools our Father had equipped him with; his shepherd staff and 5 stones in a bag with his slingshot.
It all brought me back to the conversation on my way to work with our Father. We have a decision to make take off or put on all the regrets of our lives and walk in those regrets or we can walk-in His strength and Power when we have none!
If you are struggling as so many of us do this time of year. Walk in confidence that you can make a choice just as I do. A choice to know that My Father is the Home I will reside in, the hand I will hold and His promise that just like David He will make a way, equip you and hold you steady. You have the choice to live in the past regrets or live in His promise of a better future. I know from personal experience that when you look forward He will bring into your life a love you never thought possible and a life you never imagined. He will because He promises He will. Why??? All to show His glory, His strength, His Power and HIS LOVE through you.
What will you chose?